I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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