I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize