So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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