know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
