I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
