lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
