I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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