Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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