How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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