Are we in a gay sports bar?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
