I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
