So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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