hotel room ftw
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
