sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
