it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
