U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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