Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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