It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
