I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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