is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
