There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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