guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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