Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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