respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize