Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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