dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
