careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
