So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
