My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
