I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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