I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
