Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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