He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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