Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize