well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
