He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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