I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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