I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize