It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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