Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Say something about gay babies.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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