It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
