What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can text with my tongue
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
