Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
