barbara walters just said penis...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
