right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
