oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
