Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
