Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
