"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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