i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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