Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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