i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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