I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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