from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
