have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
