I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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