Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
