Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize