i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're a waste of cheezeits
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize