The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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