It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
