So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Come see our sink grown plant.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
