Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
