You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize