yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
