is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
