I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
