omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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