so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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