dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
do herpes really smell.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
PANTIES FOUND
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
