Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
