Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
