i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need a beard to bite.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
